I was one of those kids who wanted to get their little hands into everything. I wanted to be a part of everything. I wanted to be in the “in-crowd” but I didn’t want to be excluded from the “outsiders”. I floated from group to group and was accepted by every group but never identified with one group. Then, there were my personal habits. I could be watching tv, listening to music, doing my homework all while chatting with friends. I always loved multi-tasking and really, I felt pretty invincible in some respects.
Then, last year happened. As everything unfolds and I reflect upon all that was, I have come to realize who I am and who I am not. I may have touted that I could do many things. Actually, a friend who was a boss called me out on it last year. I had told him that it was my specialty to be able to do what I do, jumping from task to task, having much on my plate. Then, I lived out my reality on how much I couldn’t do what I thought I could. Over the years, I have grown to be very passionate about all the things I do and what I feel like I have been called to. With that much passion, I couldn’t work for a corporate firm, a church and a non-profit all at once. It was as if my heart was getting pulled in every direction while my body and my mind were nearing exhaustion.
The words that I had spoken came to haunt me each and every day as I struggled to get things done. My mind jumped from graphic design to vendor relations to budgets to scheduling volunteers to social media to solving technical issues to designing systems to event planning… and that was only a part of my life. I wanted to be driven by my passion but how could I be? Where is my passion and where is my focus?
At any point in time, we can think that this is who we are. We can tell the world, this is who we are. Then, there comes an opportunity to live out the who you think you are. It is then that the rubber meets the road and you find out just how much you know you. I had a chance to live out who I thought and who I said I am. I learned, I am not. But really, what better way to learn the things I am not than to go through it. That discontent drives a hunger in you to release that tension and find what satisfies.